Eschewing normative on-stage banter of requests to fumigate male genitalia – and forcibly inserting their nipples into weakly protesting audience member’s ears – the Pussycat Dolls are instead to address pressing current affairs issues. “Y’all better watch out, cuz we bin reading the New Statestman, The Independent, even that Economist sheeet and we be doped up on what’s going down”.
A recent witness to their recent Birmingham NEC appearance described frontwoman Nicole Scherzinger detailing of unemployed, recession-hit, factory worker in Ireland as “genuinely moving. It sure got my think on”. Another fan was overheard describing the experience as “like when you watch Comic Relief and at first the images of kids starving and whatever makes you feel a bit uncomfortable laughing at David Mitchell wearing a dress. But then you sort of like how it reminds you that you’re not homeless or hungry, you’re just out watching a band. Doing your thing”. LW
“We all know the world’s going down the shitter with a bullet” said McClure, “there’s no novelty in that anymore. Everyone knows their government are coked out of their heads. Everyone knows their postman’s on crack. So what are you supposed to write about if you’re the saviour of a generation? Shagging kestrels? Contemporary wallpaper designs? Fuck that shit, man.”
England’s primrose Cheryl Cole is being enlisted in a ground-smashing government scheme, headed by officials of the shadiest importance, to gently whisper a sort of life mandate into the ears of new-born baby girls. The Warrington-based pilot scheme -where the need for Cole’s edict is apparently greatest- is being housed under the guise of a Clorox bleach-making factory, after officials ominously warned “Christ knows what the commies would do if they got wind of this”.
Keating claims his epiphany came at last year’s X Factor finale, the very moment he laid his hand on Eoghan Quigg’s disappointed shoulder. With his resolve firmly erected, Keating had to persuade the other band members to see things his way. Mikey Graham, who has spent the last six years making music he describes as “Banhart meets Moondog meets Slim Shady”, took little convincing. “I think Take That was the wake up call”, says Graham. “Their last album clearly took its cue from stuff like The Arcade Fire, but in a dry-shite Gary Barlow kinda way. We heard that and thought ‘Why only go a little bit art-rock? Why not go all the way?’”
Gately points at the new album artwork, which features a photograph of the band dressed in day-glow druid’s robes, performing a ritual sacrifice on a trifle. “All you need to pull the wool over people’s eyes these days is a few well-timed, quasi-ironic pop culture references and maybe a tape loop solo”.
